9781422270189

DIVORCE

ANGER BULLYING CHRONIC ILLNESS DIVORCE FOOD INSECURITY GRIEF IMMIGRATION SEXUAL ABUSE SOCIAL ISOLATION TEEN PREGNANCY

DIVORCE

Amelia Emery

MASON CREST M I A M I

Mason Crest PO Box 221876, Hollywood, FL 33022 (866) MCP-BOOK (toll-free) • www.masoncrest.com

Copyright © 2024 by Mason Crest, an imprint of National Highlights, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping, or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission from the publisher.

First printing 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

ISBN (hardback) 978-1-4222-4801-0 ISBN (series) 978-1-4222-4796-9 ISBN (ebook) 978-1-4222-7018-9

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Names: Emery, Amelia, author. Title: Divorce / Amelia Emery. Description: Hollywood, FL : Mason Crest, [2024] | Series: You are not alone | Includes bibliographical references and index. Identifiers: LCCN 2023021027 | ISBN 9781422248010 (hardback) | ISBN 9781422270189 (ebook) Subjects: LCSH: Divorce--Juvenile literature. Classification: LCC HQ814 .E456 2024 | DDC 306.89--dc23/eng/20230609 LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2023021027

Developed and Produced by National Highlights, Inc. Editor: Andrew Luke Production: Crafted Content, LLC (www.craftedcontentllc.com)

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Chapter 1: Divorce Today.....................................07 Chapter 2: The Impact of Divorce..........................19 Chapter 3: Divorce: Good or Bad?.........................33 Chapter 4: The Tough First Year............................47 Chapter 5: My Parents Split Up . . . What Now?....... 61 Chapter Notes....................................................72 Further Reading.................................................76 Internet Resources..............................................77 Index................................................................. 78 Author Biography, Credits & Educational Video Links. ... 80 KEY ICONS TO LOOK FOR: CONTENTS Words to Understand: These words with their easy-to understand definitions will increase the reader’s understanding of the text while building vocabulary skills. Sidebars: This boxed material within the main text allows readers to build knowledge, gain insights, explore possibilities, and broaden their perspectives by weaving together additional information to provide realistic and holistic perspectives. Testimonial Videos: Readers can view videos by scanning our QR codes, providing them with personal stories from peers that supplement the text. Text-Dependent Questions: These questions send the reader back to the text for more careful attention to the evidence presented there. Research Projects: Readers are pointed toward areas of further inquiry connected to each chapter. Suggestions are provided for projects that encourage deeper research and analysis.

WORDS TO UNDERSTAND

cohabitation: couples who live together before or instead of getting married family of origin: the family situation a child is raised in; may impact the children’s own marriage when they are adults socioeconomic status: a family’s income and how that ranks them in the social structure; upper-class, middle-class, working class, and poverty are common descriptors

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DIVORCE TODAY CHAPTER

Couples may choose to divorce for a wide variety of reasons. In most cases, there is not one cause for divorce but rather a combination of multiple problems. Each additional factor affecting a couple can increase the likelihood of a divorce. Overall Divorce Rate According to the National Center for Health Statistics, the rate of divorce in the United States in 2020 was 2.3 per 1,000 population based on information reported by 45 states and Washington DC. 1 This information is referred to as the “crude divorce rate” because it counts the overall number of people who got married or divorced in a single year. The crude divorce rate is a generalization that helps analyze how the number of divorces and marriages changes over time. 2 Divorce Rates 1940-2000 In 1940, the crude divorce rate was 2.0 per 1,000 people. That ratio increased slowly until it reached a spike at 4.3 in 1946 after World War II. The overall rate fell again, fluctuating between 2.0 and 2.9 per 1,000 people until 1968. 3 In the 1960s through the early 1980s, the number of divorces increased as American society improved women’s employment

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and salary equality, giving them the opportunity and confidence to leave unfulfilling, difficult, or abusive marriages. The highest divorce rate of 5.0 per 1,000 population was recorded in 1979. 3 Since the 1990s, the overall divorce rate has seen a downward trend. On average, from 1990 to 1999, the crude divorce rate was 4.4 per 1,000 married adults in the population. 4

Marriages have been lasting longer to start the 21st century, with divorce rates falling below 40 percent.

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You Are Not Alone: Divorce

Declining Divorce Rates in the 2000s In recent years, the overall rates of both marriages and divorces have declined for a variety of reasons. People Marry When They Are Older According to data collected by the US Census Bureau between 2006 and 2016, people are waiting until they are older to get married. By 2016, the average age for men to marry was 30 and for women was 28. 5 Couples in their early 30s tend to have better jobs and more financial security than younger people. 6 They have also developed stronger emotional maturity, allowing them to “make better choices about whom they marry,” 7 leading to fewer divorces. Cohabitation Cohabitation means a couple lives together in the same home, sharing household responsibilities without being married. Some couples cohabitate for a while to decide if they are compatible

AVERAGE DIVORCE RATES OVER TIME

1940–1949 – 28.8% 1950–1969 – 19.8% 1970–1979 – 44.7% 1980–1989 – 50% 1990–1999 – 44.4% 2000–2009 – 37.3% 2010–2016 – 33% 4

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Chapter 1: Divorce Today

before marrying. Other couples choose cohabitation instead of marriage. Adults whose parents were divorced “are 61% more likely” than people whose parents stayed married to live together before marriage. 6 These couples are not married, so they do not need a divorce if they end their relationship. Length of Marriage Before Divorce According to the US Census Bureau, “after five years, approximately 13 percent of all first marriages had ended in

The average length of a marriage in America is about 20 years.

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You Are Not Alone: Divorce

divorce” 5 though the average length of a first marriage is about eight years. 7 The average length of time for all marriages is about 20 years. 8 According to the US Census Bureau, this has remained the same for the last 50 years. Marital History A person’s marital history describes whether and how many times they have been married or divorced. Having previous relationships brings stressors into current relationships due to commitments that remain from the first marriage, like children, child support payments, and spousal support payments. 5 The US Census Bureau provided the following statistics about marital history: • In 68% of all currently married couples, both partners were in their first marriage. • In approximately 9% of marriages, both partners were in their second marriage. • In only 1% of marriages, both spouses were married three or more times. 5 Couples in their first marriage might expect a 40% possibility of a divorce, while “60% of all second marriages end in divorce, Divorce results from a combination of events and situations that occur over time and build up until one or both people in the marriage no longer feel that they can remain in the relationship. Some reasons for divorce are more obvious and impactful than others. Five of the most often cited causes for divorce are addiction (35%), abuse (40-80%), infidelity (55%), poor financial management and socioeconomic status (45%), and being unprepared for marriage (78%). Other factors are less obvious but still contribute to the instability in marriage. 2 and 73% of third marriages end in divorce.” 7 Factors that Influence Divorce

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Chapter 1: Divorce Today

Race Overall, all racial groups are seeing a decline in divorce rates. Some of the differences in racial divorce rates may be due to cultural values, while others stem from family-of-origin issues. The National Center for Family and Marriage Research (NCFMR) analyzed and published divorce rates based on racial heritage and the more accurate ratio of divorces per 1,000 married women. Their findings revealed the following:

DIVORCE AND ADDICTION

Two main types of addiction may lead to divorce: • Substance addiction: Chemical dependence on substances that are ingested or put into a person’s body in another way. Common substance addictions include alcohol, tobacco, opioids, prescription medications, cocaine, and methamphetamines. • Behavioral addiction: Occurs when a person compulsively pursues an

activity to feel pleasure or happiness. These may include addictions to food, the internet, pornography, video games, exercise, shopping, and gambling.

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You Are Not Alone: Divorce

African Americans are the only racial group with a divorce rate that is higher than its marriage rate.

• Asian, American Indian, and Alaska Native: 12.4 per 1,000 • White: 15.1 per 1,000 • Hispanic: 18.5 per 1,000 • Black / African American: 30.8 per 1,000 (this is the only racial group with a higher divorce rate than a marriage rate (17.3 per 1,000 unmarried women)). 9 Education Completing at least four years of college before getting married increases the likelihood of a successful marriage. While Americans who complete college degrees “have seen their divorce rates drop by about 30% since the 1980s,” those who do not complete higher education have increased “divorce rates . . . by about 6%.” 6

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Chapter 1: Divorce Today

Careers Working in a particular career does not necessarily mean a person will seek a divorce. However, people who take certain jobs may have specific personality traits that make them more or less stable marriage partners. The careers with the highest divorce rates are gaming managers (52.9%) and bartenders (52.7%). The lowest divorce rates are among actuaries (17%), people who study risk patterns. 10 The overall divorce rate for people in the military’s four main branches tends to be around 3.4%. 6 Women in the military report significantly higher divorce rates at 7.2 percent. Service members who work in special operations like the Navy SEALS may experience divorce rates as high as 90 percent. 2

Marriage and mixology don’t mix. Bartending is a profession with one of the highest divorce rates.

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You Are Not Alone: Divorce

Family of Origin Children whose parents are divorced are 89% more likely to experience divorce. This percentage is even greater if both members of the couple are children of divorce. 20 When a family of origin includes people who abuse or neglect others, have a mental illness, misuse drugs and alcohol, or are incarcerated, the children are more likely to divorce as adults. Social Media Use Excessive social media use can have a negative effect on the stability of a marriage. Some studies have found that some social network users seek to maintain or rekindle previous relationships, leading to temptation and jealousy. Also, the ease of connecting on social media makes relationships that might have been temporary before social media easier to maintain. 11 A suspicious partner might use social media to look for evidence that their spouse is cheating. In fact, one study found that Facebook “is cited in one out of every five divorces in the United States.” 11 Mental Health Disorders People with untreated or uncontrolled mental health disorders may experience an increase in the likelihood of divorce from 20 to 80 percent. Major depressive disorder and alcohol abuse account for nearly half of the mental health disorders that lead to divorce. 6 Individuals who struggle with mental health disorders may lack the stability to maintain a long-term marriage. Communication Communication is the foundation of all relationships, including marriages. If spouses cannot communicate with one another in a respectful and supportive manner, they will struggle to maintain their marriage. Each of the issues covered above needs strong communication skills in marriage to work through the problems.

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Chapter 1: Divorce Today

Overuse of social media can curtail communication and negatively affect a marriage.

If the couple cannot work out positive communication skills, the other issues in their marriage are magnified. The Gottman Institute explains that four types of communication problems contribute to divorce: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Criticism and contempt are the initiating tones in disagreements. These kinds of speech “attack a person’s core identity” and “make them feel worthless.” 12 When confronted with criticism or contempt, they are likely to react with defensiveness or stonewalling, by refusing to interact with their spouse. Divorce is common in America, with about 40% of marriages today ending in divorce. Typically, divorces result from a combination of factors ranging from marrying too young and being unprepared for marriage to problems with infidelity, abuse, or substance abuse.

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You Are Not Alone: Divorce