9781422270196

GRIEF

ANGER BULLYING CHRONIC ILLNESS DIVORCE FOOD INSECURITY GRIEF IMMIGRATION SEXUAL ABUSE SOCIAL ISOLATION TEEN PREGNANCY

GRIEF

Amelia Emery

MASON CREST M I A M I

Mason Crest PO Box 221876, Hollywood, FL 33022 (866) MCP-BOOK (toll-free) • www.masoncrest.com

Copyright © 2024 by Mason Crest, an imprint of National Highlights, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping, or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission from the publisher.

First printing 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

ISBN (hardback) 978-1-4222-4802-7 ISBN (series) 978-1-4222-4796-9 ISBN (ebook) 978-1-4222-7019-6

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Names: Emery, Amelia, author. Title: Grief / Amelia Emery. Description: Hollywood, FL : Mason Crest, [2024] | Series: You are not alone | Includes bibliographical references and index. Identifiers: LCCN 2023021004 | ISBN 9781422248027 (hardback) | ISBN 9781422270196 (ebook) Subjects: LCSH: Grief--Juvenile literature. | Death--Psychology--Juvenile literature. Classification: LCC BF575.G7 E536 2024 | DDC 155.9/37--dc23/eng/20230616 LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2023021004

Developed and Produced by National Highlights, Inc. Editor: Andrew Luke Production: Crafted Content, LLC (www.craftedcontentllc.com)

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Chapter 1: What is Grief?.....................................07 Chapter 2: Prolonged Grief Disorder.....................21 Chapter 3: Pandemic Aftermath...........................31 Chapter 4: Physical Effects of Grief.......................45 Chapter 5: Dealing with Grief...............................59 Chapter Notes....................................................72 Further Reading & Internet Resources..................76 Credits & Educational Video Links........................... 77 Index................................................................. 78 Author Biography.................................................... 80 KEY ICONS TO LOOK FOR: CONTENTS Words to Understand: These words with their easy-to understand definitions will increase the reader’s understanding of the text while building vocabulary skills. Sidebars: This boxed material within the main text allows readers to build knowledge, gain insights, explore possibilities, and broaden their perspectives by weaving together additional information to provide realistic and holistic perspectives. Testimonial Videos: Readers can view videos by scanning our QR codes, providing them with personal stories from peers that supplement the text. Text-Dependent Questions: These questions send the reader back to the text for more careful attention to the evidence presented there. Research Projects: Readers are pointed toward areas of further inquiry connected to each chapter. Suggestions are provided for projects that encourage deeper research and analysis.

WORDS TO UNDERSTAND

dissociate: to separate from association with something grief: a deep emotional response of sorrow and loss usually related to the death of a loved one mourning: the outward expression of grief and the process of coping with loss

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WHAT IS GRIEF? CHAPTER

The death of a loved one is one of life’s most stressful events. Anytime a serious event sparks a series of emotions, teens generally experience these feelings more intensely than young children or other adults. This is most likely because teens are prone to experiencing floods of emotions as their hormones surge and their brains and bodies develop rapidly. As a result, teens often wonder if their wildly fluctuating emotions are normal. For example, they may feel fine in the morning, intensely irritated at noon, excited at three in the afternoon, and exhausted at six p.m. Given all the changes an average teen goes through during the day, it is no wonder that teenagers feel the pangs of grief Most people define grief as extreme sadness. However, grief involves a whole host of emotions. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, “grief reactions include shock, disbelief, denial, anxiety, distress, anger, . . . sadness, loss of sleep, and loss of appetite.” 1 Adolescents may experience any combination of these feelings, and they may also display irritability and frustration, isolate themselves from friends and family, spend more time online, and dissociate from their favorite activities. with a special intensity. Defining Grief

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Isolation and Loneliness One of the most common emotional states reported by teens and young adults who are grieving is a feeling of isolation and loneliness. If you’re grieving, you may want to talk to your friends about how you are feeling and how much you miss your loved one. However, there are many reasons you or teens in the same situation may not want to discuss your feelings with your friend group. First, grieving teens may believe that others will not understand what they are going through unless they also have

Grief affects people in different ways. Some choose to be open and share their feelings with friends, while others avoid discussing the subject.

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You Are Not Alone: Grief

experienced a loss. The problem is that they struggle to identify others who may have lost a loved one, since almost everyone struggles with wanting to talk but not knowing whom they can talk to. Another reason grieving teens may be reluctant to share their feelings with their peers is that they don’t want to bring their friends down or make other people feel sad or awkward. Some young adults explain that they don’t talk about their grief with their friends because they don’t believe their friends will be able to understand them or offer the support that is needed. You may find that belief to be correct if you notice your friends are avoiding talking about sensitive subjects around you. Many peers of grieving teens try to avoid talking about topics that will hurt that person’s feelings. For example, they may avoid talking about death in general, relationships, or parents. Try not to misinterpret this avoidance as an unwillingness to be supportive when it is an honest attempt to be kind and supportive. 2 These perplexing feelings of wanting to be together versus wanting to be alone and wanting to talk about their feelings but not trusting that anyone will understand them can leave grieving teens feeling confused and isolated. Prolonged Grief Disorder or Complicated Grief On occasion, teens and young adults may experience such extreme grief that they become obsessed with thoughts of the person who has passed, preoccupied with death, or are haunted by the circumstances of a loved one’s death. A person with complex grief or prolonged grief disorder will experience symptoms that interfere with their daily life for more than 6-12 months. 3 Adolescents and young adults who already have a mental health disorder are more likely to develop prolonged grief disorder. 4 Chapter 2 of this book will explore this condition in more depth.

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Chapter 1: What is Grief?

Causes of Grief Our first concept of grief is that it is the emotional response to the death of a loved one. However, people may also experience grief when a person they don’t know personally but revere as a hero or role model passes away. In fact, grief is not limited to loss of life. People experience grief when moving to a new city or when a friend moves away. The loss of any significant item that a person feels an emotional attachment to could also trigger feelings of grief. Say that someone loses their home in a fire, a person loses their job, or a family experiences a divorce. These losses also instigate feelings of loss and the grieving process.

Major or sudden losses can trigger the same feelings of grief as the death of a loved one.

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You Are Not Alone: Grief

Significant life changes can also cause people to experience grief. During the COVID-19 pandemic lockdowns, people lost their jobs, experienced illness, and feared for their well-being. This event led to widespread grief and depression. Of course, many people died from COVID, but other families are impacted by ongoing health issues due to COVID, like long-term breathing problems, difficulty with thinking and concentrating, chronic fatigue, headaches, sleep problems, and widespread pain. 5 Losing a previous physical ability or way of life can lead to grief and depression. When a person or a family member discovers they have a life-changing illness, the emotional challenges that accompany the diagnosis may include grief. These illnesses are not necessarily fatal. For example, a diagnosis of type 1 diabetes will lead to significant lifestyle changes and may cause the individual and their family to grieve the life they had or hoped to have. Other illnesses or accidents may result in disability. These losses may stand on their own, or they may accompany the death of a loved one. When someone experiences multiple losses in a short time, it “can complicate or prolong grief Everyone will experience grief at some point in their lives. There are as many ways to grieve as there are people; “there is no right way to grieve.” 2 Each person’s mourning process will vary due to their cultural traditions, religious upbringing, personal experiences, and support network. For adolescents and young adults, the “pace of brain growth and . . . developing skills [like] self-regulation, identity formation, and coping capacity have an impact on the grief experience.” 4 The process of grieving is also not a steady course of slowly getting better each day. Some days you might cry all day, and other days you may express a range of emotions from sadness and delay [their] ability to adapt, heal, and recover.” 1 Navigating the Grieving Process

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Chapter 1: What is Grief?

Grief often comes in waves. Some days will be almost normal, while others may be filled with sadness.

to anger. There will even be days that you feel almost normal. All these days may be mixed together. Over time, the intense emotions associated with grief generally reduce as you learn to live without a loved one or in a new situation. Multiple mental health professionals have studied the process of grief and mourning, and they have recorded the general patterns that people follow as they heal. Although they each explain the mourning process in their own way, their observations share similarities. It is also important to note that while these steps in healing follow a pattern from grief to recovery, people do not necessarily follow them in order. Each person’s grief journey is different and may go in any order or repeat steps as they return to a new state of normalcy. In the first few days and weeks after a significant loss, you will experience the strongest emotions associated with grief:

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You Are Not Alone: Grief

TASKS OF MOURNING

Psychologist J. William Worden outlines what he calls the Tasks of Mourning to help people understand the processes they go through as they actively process their grief. They are: • To accept the reality of the loss • To experience the pain of grief • To adjust to an environment in which the deceased is missing • To emotionally relocate the deceased and move on with life

sadness, “depression, anxiety, increased feelings of suicidality, [and] lower self-esteem.” 6 Initially, people experience a sense of disbelief or denial that their loved one has died. Experts call this part of the process denial, 7 accepting the reality of the loss or wishing for the predictability of events. 8 Immediately after a loss, the teenage brain may be unable to process the information that someone or something was lost. For example, expecting a deceased loved one to call or walk into the home is not unusual. You may even find yourself driving down the street where a house burned down. These are routines that the human brain takes a while to process and change. After the initial shock of loss has passed, people must learn to work through their grief and other related emotions like anger, anxiety, and depression. As you enter this process of feeling your emotions, acknowledging them, and working through them,

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Chapter 1: What is Grief?

it is common to have trouble sleeping and concentrating. You may also feel restless, helpless, and have lower self-esteem. Furthermore, you may feel you have lost control over your own life. These emotions may be stronger around holidays, birthdays, and other days that are significant to the family. The central stage of recovering or working through grief for teens involves a re-development of the self-image. Creating an identity is a normal part of teen development as you break away from your parents and make choices to develop your own sense of self. However, a complication arises in a family experiencing grief when a teen wants both to push parents away and claim their independence while at the same time needing and wanting to be with them even more for comfort and stability.

The emotions associated with losing a loved one may be stronger around times associated with family, such as holidays.

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You Are Not Alone: Grief

As teens and young adults move past their most challenging emotions, they begin to look for a sense of belonging and learn to live without their loved one. For example, if one parent has passed, then the teens or young adults will be facing a different relationship with the living parent and with extended family members like grandparents, aunts, and uncles. After teens experience loss, their relationships with their friends will also change, and it takes time for those relationships to settle into this new reality. Finally, a healthily grieving teen will accept the loss and train his or her brain not to expect the lost loved one to be in their usual place. Instead, you can set aside a place, object, or time to remember and talk about your loss when it doesn’t impact daily activities like school and work. Teens and young adults often express a need to “maintain a connection with their loved one who died,” perhaps by remembering private thoughts, talking about their feelings and their missing loved one, or holding on to an object, like a piece of jewelry, that reminds them of their loved one. 2 Teens who are grieving, along with their support network of friends and family, should remember that the process of grief and recovery is not a step-by-step timeline. It is a messy, maze-like process in which some days will feel like successes and others will be emotional struggles. The goal is for the overall trend to show improvement in emotional stability and to demonstrate the ability to rejoin and function in regular daily life. Grief is Normal The waves of emotions that accompany grief and loss can feel overwhelming for teens and young adults who are already experiencing life changes. These drastic emotional swings may make teenagers doubt whether they are experiencing grief properly or expressing their grief in the right way. The answer to that question is yes. Grief is normal. Crying is normal. Wanting to

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Chapter 1: What is Grief?

Teens (and those who love them) should not expect their grief to progress in a linear way—ups and downs should be expected.

talk through complicated feelings is normal. Wanting to be alone and not talking to anyone is normal. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Most everyone has experienced a loss of one kind or another. In fact, one out of every ten teens and one out of every three to four college students have had grieving experiences in the last year. 4 Though teens and young adults may feel that none of their peers will understand their experience of loss and grief, you might be surprised to realize how many of your peers have had similar experiences. Grief involves a complex set of emotions that are different for each individual but common to everyone. It is normal to experience other emotions along with grief. It also takes time to recover emotionally from the loss that started the episode of grieving. Experiencing grief, even for a long time, does not indicate weakness; instead, expressing grief is an indication of powerful love.

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You Are Not Alone: Grief