9781422280645

C h i l d h o o d F e a r s a n d A n x i e t i e s Social Fears

H.W. Poole

S e r i e s C o n s u l t a n t Anne S. Walters, Ph.D. Emma Pendleton Bradley Hospital Warren Alpert Medical School of Brown University

C h i l d h o o d F e a r s a n d A n x i e t i e s Social Fears

C h i l d hood F e a r s an d An x i e t i e s Anxiety and Fear in Daily Life Catastrophes Crime and Terrorism Family Fears Medical Fears Nighttime Fears Phobias School Fears Separation Anxiety Social Fears Symptoms and Treatments of Anxiety Disorders

C h i l d h o o d F e a r s a n d A n x i e t i e s Social Fears

H.W. Poole

S e r i e s C o n s u l t a n t Anne S. Walters, Ph.D. Emma Pendleton Bradley Hospital Warren Alpert Medical School of Brown University

Mason Crest

Mason Crest 450 Parkway Drive, Suite D Broomall, PA 19008 www.masoncrest.com

© 2018 by Mason Crest, an imprint of National Highlights, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping, or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission from the publisher.

MTM Publishing, Inc. 435 West 23rd Street, #8C New York, NY 10011 www.mtmpublishing.com

President: Valerie Tomaselli Vice President, Book Development: Hilary Poole Designer: Annemarie Redmond

Copyeditor: Peter Jaskowiak Editorial Assistant: Leigh Eron

Series ISBN: 978-1-4222-3721-2 Hardback ISBN: 978-1-4222-3731-1 E-Book ISBN: 978-1-4222-8064-5

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Names: Poole, Hilary W., author. | Walters, Anne S., consultant. Title: Social fears / by H.W. Poole; series consultant, Anne S. Walters, Ph.D., Emma Pendleton Bradley Hospital, Alpert Medical School/Brown University. Description: Broomall, PA: Mason Crest, [2018] | Series: Childhood fears and anxieties | Audience: Ages 12+. | Audience: Grades 7 to 8. | Includes bibliographical references and index. Identifiers: LCCN 2016053131 (print) | LCCN 2017002818 (ebook) | ISBN 9781422237311 (hardback: alk. paper) | ISBN 9781422280645 (ebook) Subjects: LCSH: Social phobia in children—Juvenile literature. | Social phobia—Juvenile literature. | Child psychology—Juvenile literature. Classification: LCC RJ506.S63 P66 2018 (print) | LCC RJ506.S63 (ebook) | DDC 618.92/85225—dc23 LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2016053131

Printed and bound in the United States of America.

First printing 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

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Table of Contents Series Introduction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6 Chapter One: Everybody Is Shy (Sometimes!) . . . . 9 Chapter Two: Social Anxiety Disorder . . . . . . . 17 Chapter Three: Managing Social Anxiety Disorder . . 27 Chapter Four: Self-Help for the Shy . . . . . . . . 35 Further Reading . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 44 Series Glossary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 45 Index . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 47 About the Advisor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 48 About the Author . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 48 Photo Credits . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 48 Words to Understand: These words with their easy-to- understand definitions will increase the reader’s understanding of the text, while building vocabulary skills. Sidebars: This boxed material within the main text allows readers to build knowledge, gain insights, explore possibilities, and broaden their perspectives by weaving together additional information to provide realistic and holistic perspectives. Educational Videos: Readers can view videos by scanning our QR codes, which will provide them with additional educational content to supplement the text. Examples include news coverage, moments in history, speeches, iconic sports moments, and much more. Text-Dependent Questions: These questions send the reader back to the text for more careful attention to the evidence presented there. Research Projects: Readers are pointed toward areas of further inquiry connected to each chapter. Suggestions are provided for projects that encourage deeper research and analysis. Series Glossary of Key Terms: This back-of-the-book glossary contains terminology used throughout the series. Words found here increase the reader’s ability to read and comprehend higher-level books and articles in this field.

Key Icons to Look for:

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Series Introduction Who among us does not have memories of an intense childhood fear? Fears and anxieties are a part of every childhood. Indeed, these fears are fodder for urban legends and campfire tales alike. And while the details of these legends and tales change over time, they generally have at their base predictable childhood terrors such as darkness, separation from caretakers, or bodily injury. We know that fear has an evolutionary component. Infants are helpless, and, compared to other mammals, humans have a very long developmental period. Fear ensures that curious children will stay close to caretakers, making them less likely to be exposed to danger. This means that childhood fears are adaptive, making us more likely to survive, and even thrive, as a species. Unfortunately, there comes a point when fear and anxiety cease to be useful. This is especially problematic today, for there has been a startling increase in anxiety among children and adolescents. In fact, 25 percent of 13- to 18-year- olds now have mild to moderate anxiety, and the median age of onset for anxiety disorders is just 11 years old. Why might this be? Some say that the contemporary United States is a nation preoccupied with risk, and it is certainly possible that our children are absorbing this preoccupation as well. Certainly, our exposure to potential threats has never been greater. We see graphic images via the media and have more immediate news of all forms of disaster. This can lead our children to feel more vulnerable, and it may increase the likelihood that they respond with fear. If children based their fear on the news that they see on Facebook or on TV, they would dramatically overestimate the likelihood of terrible things happening. As parents or teachers, what do we do about fear? As in other areas of life, we provide our children with guidance and education on a daily basis. We teach them about the signs and feelings of fear. We discuss and normalize typical fear reactions, and support them in tackling difficult situations despite fear. We

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explain—and demonstrate by example—how to identify “negative thinking traps” and generate positive coping thoughts instead. But to do so effectively, we might need to challenge some of our own assumptions about fear. Adults often assume that they must protect their children from fear and help them to avoid scary situations, when sometimes the best course is for the child to face the fear and conquer it. This is counterintuitive for many adults: after all, isn’t it our job to reassure our children and help them feel better? Yes, of course! Except when it isn’t. Sometimes they need us to help them confront their fears and move forward anyway. That’s where these volumes come in. When it comes to fear, balanced information is critical. Learning about fear as it relates to many different areas can help us to help our children remember that although you don’t choose whether to be afraid, you do choose how to handle it. These volumes explore the world of childhood fears, seeking to answer important questions: How much is too much? And how can fear be positive, functioning to mobilize us in the face of danger? Fear gives us the opportunity to step up and respond with courage and resilience. It pushes us to expand our sphere of functioning to areas that might feel unfamiliar or risky. When we are a little nervous or afraid, we tend to prepare a little more, look for more information, ask more questions—and all of this can function to help us expand the boundaries of our lives in a positive direction. So, while fear might feel unpleasant, there is no doubt that it can have a positive outcome. Let’s teach our children that.

—Anne Walters, Ph.D. Chief Psychologist, Emma Pendleton Bradley Hospital Clinical Associate Professor, Alpert Medical School of Brown University

Sometimes being in a crowd of people feels like it’s too much to handle.

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Chapter One

Everybody Is Shy (Sometimes!)

When was the last time you felt shy? Maybe a teacher called on you in class, and you were afraid you wouldn’t get the answer right. Maybe you saw some other kids in the hallway at school, and you wanted to go talk to them but didn’t. Or maybe you wanted to ask your doctor a question but then decided the question was stupid, so you stayed quiet. Whatever the situation, the feelings are pretty much the same: you felt awkward, uncertain, and uncomfortable. You probably assumed that the other person or people were judging you harshly. Sometimes we call these feelings inhibitions . Everybody—even the most seemingly outgoing people—has had the experience of feeling awkward in a social situation. You might look at popular kids at school, adults in your family, or celebrities in the media and think, “There’s no way that person has ever felt shy.” But you’d be wrong. At one time or another, we have all experienced that feeling. Why?

Words to Understand

adaptive: a helpful response to a particular situation. extrovert: a person who enjoys being with others. hierarchy: an organization in which some people or things are ranked higher than others. inhibitions: feelings that restricts what we do or say.

introvert: a person who often prefers being alone. stratified: arranged into different levels.

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Social Fears

Social animals, such as wolves, pay a lot of attention to hierarchy.

Because worrying about others’ opinions is built into who we are as humans.

Living in Groups That slight feeling of nervousness around other people is actually a survival skill. That might sound weird to you. After all, it’s clearly wise for people to fear animals like tigers or lions—at one time, after all, our ancestors were lunch for large animals. But why would it be helpful for us to fear socializing with others? To answer that question, let’s look at the animal kingdom. Animals that live together in communities are called “social animals.” There are many types of social animals, from mice to killer whales. Many of

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Everybody Is Shy (Sometimes!)

these communities are stratified , meaning that some in the community have more power and some have less. At the top of this hierarchy are alphas , the ones below are called betas , and the least powerful animals in a given group are called omegas . Wolves and dogs are commonly used as an example of this stratified system—in fact, that’s where the expression “top dog” comes from. The alphas are often the most aggressive members of any community, and they generally get everything first. For instance, alphas get to eat first, while the rest of the group has to jockey for position to get what’s left over. But that doesn’t mean life as an alpha is always easy. Alphas have to keep an eye out on those betas, who may threaten their position at the top of the social pyramid. Whenever animals live in groups, they have to pay attention to one another. Sometimes the attention is good, such as when parents take care of their young. Sometimes the attention is not so good, such as when a beta decides to fight an alpha for the top position. Either way, having social awareness— the instinctual understanding of the pecking order and one’s place in it—is vital. Humans are extremely social animals. For many thousands of years, we have depended on each other for survival. We worked together to find shelter, gather food, and keep each other safe from predators. Our ancient ancestors learned to care about the

Educational Video Watch this video for more about social organization in the animal kingdom.

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Social Fears

opinions of others because they needed each other to survive. Other people’s opinions could make the difference between staying safely in the cave or getting kicked out to deal with the lions alone. Modern social fears are today’s version of making sure we don’t get kicked out of the cave. A certain amount of social fear is adaptive , meaning these feelings of worry can actually be useful. For example, a small amount of social anxiety can prevent us from getting into conflicts with others that we might lose. The stakes aren’t as high now, of course, but our instincts come built-in. So if you sometimes worry about messing up in front of others, that’s to be expected. It’s a natural response to your own awareness that you’re a member of a community.

Like other social animals, humans

organize themselves into groups that look out for one another.

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Everybody Is Shy (Sometimes!)

Stranger Danger When babies are around eight months old, they begin trying to figure out which grown-ups are trustworthy and which ones aren’t. For many babies, their instincts tell them that any person they don’t recognize is a possible threat. How intense this fear of strangers is and how long it lasts depends on the personality of the specific baby. Some are very anxious, while others are less so. But if you think about it, the reaction makes total sense. Babies are very vulnerable little creatures, so the safest response is to trust only people who are familiar, who have proven themselves trustworthy. As we get older, we learn to make better distinctions about whom to trust. But for babies, a fear of strangers is a survival skill.

Too Shy? Quite a bit of research has been done on the subject of shyness: why are some people more inhibited around others? The psychologist Jerome Kagan has theorized that some babies are highly sensitive to anything new, and that this sensitivity often results in them becoming shy kids later. But just because someone starts off as a sensitive baby, that doesn’t mean one is “doomed” to being shy forever. Some people start off shy as kids but don’t end up that way as adults. In the words of the education expert Howard Gardner, “no one is marked [shy] at birth.” A little social fear can be useful, but (you knew there was a but coming, right?) too much worry is the opposite of adaptive—which is called maladaptive .

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Social Fears

We describe behavior as maladaptive when it gets in the way of what we really want or need. For instance, if you are too shy to ask questions in class, that’s maladaptive because not asking questions can keep you from finding out what you need to know. If you are too shy to make friends, then your shyness is maladaptive because it is keeping you lonely. The question of how much worry is “too much” varies a lot depending on the person. Some people are introverts by nature—an introvert is a person who might like to be around people but finds the experience tiring or draining. Other people are extroverts —they actually gain energy from big gatherings and having lots of friends. Sometimes it may seem that our society only loves extroverts. But that’s really not true. Many of our greatest artists and thinkers have been introverts. As a society, we need all types of people, and only you know how much socializing is right for you. But we do all need one another to some extent. Remember, we are social animals—even the introverts! When intense worried feelings keep us from interacting with others, we call that experience social anxiety . For some people, the feelings are such a big problem that we say the person has social anxiety disorder . More about this in the next chapter. Social anxiety is a bit like an annoying friend who won’t leave you alone. The bad news is, you probably can’t force the friend to leave completely.

Research Project

Choose a type of social animal that’s interesting to you, such as wolves, ants, or whales. Write a report about the social organization of that species.